Everyone gets a little lost sometimes

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Hello again to the few readers I have at the moment. So far its only my facebook followers who even know that I have finished (almost) this website. Maybe you will have also noticed that I have been very quiet recently.

My videos say that each week comes a new one, answering more questions and getting more honest. It is true Each video is becoming more honest, and I am getting a great response from the people who have watched them. Thank you so much to you all. But its certainly not each week. I think it has been 3 weeks since my last.

This is because I don’t think I know exactly which route to take. …..

I want to share my story, my emetophobia recovery story. I am doing this mainly to offer faith, and encouragement that it is possible, that you can overcome it, that there really is life past this and many other phobias and anxiety problems. As you also probably know the way I did it was through the Thrive programme. The start of my journey was to share this fact, and encourage everyone to try it, read and study the book. My plan was to hit social media, make videos, blog and talk about a topic that is so important to me. I want to share it with people who I know will understand, who can benefit from it and feel some hope, i do not want to brag, i just want to really share this overwhelming gratitude i have that I managed to change my life so much.  I think I probably bore the people close to me with stories such as “2 years ago i wouldn’t have been able to do this, 2 years ago i would have had a panic attack here, This is amazing I never thought I could do things like this” They all of course support me and are very happy to see me so happy. Especially my Mum she was with me all the way through. But my new life has brought me to new countries, brought me to new friends, new relationships, a new partner. These people didn’t know the old me, the emetophobe me, the obsessive hand washing, food overcooking, panicking, hibernating me. They only know me as the happy go lucky, travelling, dancing free spirit. I often wonder if they would be my friends or my boyfriend if i was still the old me? Sadly i know the answer is no. Of course not, i wouldn’t have been here, i wouldn’t have met them. They would never know my real personality, it was hidden behind the mask of my phobia. I would never have met these people or had these experiences in the “comfort” of my own house, where I locked myself away all winter to avoid exposure to the dreaded winter vomiting bug. No chances of getting travellers belly in my own house. But also no chance to experience these things that I had only ever dreamed possible. I want to say that bit again, i only ever DREAMED these things possible, i was positive that i would never overcome emetophobia, that my life was already carved out for me, going between jobs and leaving through fear, not getting close to people through fear of them getting sick, not drinking, not travelling and definitely never having children. Children are always sick!

So I am telling you I understand why we didn’t go to the party last weekend, and how the hairs on the back of our necks stand on end when we are carefully deciding which of the germ infested last resort traps of the public toilet cubicles is the least likely choice for a person running in to vomit. And once we have made our informed decision the perfected practice of not touching anything for the duration of the toilet trip, getting out of the toilets using only feet to open the doors, covering our hands in sanitizer which by the way back in my emetophobe days had no help killing norovirus, but it was worth a try. I even understand how we can convince ourselves that we could be sick and  start to feel sick, even on the rare occasion of feeling totally fine but catching a glimpse in the mirror looking extra pale in the middle of January when everyone looks equally like a ghost. Then there is the moment someone says they feel a little under the weather and we skillfully  hit them with 21 questions which makes us sound caring and kind but actually we are just doing well trained detective work to find out if its a cold (totally fine) or a tummy related issue. Resulting in a sudden text message meaning we have been requested to go home right this moment! I understand, i really really do!

More importantly though i understand what it can be like past this, now i get to go the the toilet in peace and I rarely look Pale, this is mainly because I went away for the winter, i have a tan! Phobia free me made up for lost time  from missing holidays, often making up excuses such as my passport had expired so I missed my sisters hen do. Even if i survived the plane anxiety and the fear of sunstroke, how could i avoid the drunks in the night time?  (Sorry Sister if you are reading this) I got on a terrifying plane with the air conditioned germ free-for-all. I faced the ferry of sea sickness doom (would you believe lots of the other passengers had sea sickness, me probably because of my years of conditioning my body to not vomit. I was fine, so fine that I got to eat all the left over food of the poor other passengers who didn’t get to enjoy there dinner) It was all ok, everything is fine. Really fine. I am not here to brag, and i am certainly not here to make fun. I just want to share my story in a light way. I promise to stay humble and thank myself for picking up that book to start to change my life.

Now I am certainly not here to tell you its easy and that there is a magic cure. It isn’t. It takes hard work, determination, motivation, support, knowledge and a little bit more hard work. But you can and you should have the life you want.

My phobia didn’t suddenly go, I didn’t suddenly wake up cured, i didn’t win the lottery, I didn’t have it all given to me. I wanted so much for a chance to live a normal life, I was tired, fed up and depressed, I can joke about this but it doesn’t take away the painful truth that only a few years ago I was a teenage girl who was running out of fight and faith wanting to end her life over vomiting, or begging the doctors to make it so I couldn’t have children. Just wishing for the misery to end the endless exhaustion of being hyper alert to everything all the time. I don’t want to lower the mood to much, if you have read this far you probably already understand the dark depression. So  I worked hard mentally through the Thrive book, which gave me the support and the knowledge to start to change other factors in my life, once i started to feel better after it started to make sense things started to snowball, they became easier and within reach. I worked hard to make enough money to move abroad, There were ups and downs, there still are. This blog post came from a  very slight down. Everyone gets a little lost sometimes. I don’t know how to share my story. I thought about it from many different angles. Professional, serious, But I decided on the best route. From the heart. This is what got me here so far, I wrote a letter to Rob Kelly the author of Thrive, i wanted to tell him personally how thankful I was for creating this simple programme which helped me change my life. The way it has been written, so easy to understand and follow. Giving me the skills I needed to change my life. Rob got back to me straight away, and asked to have a meeting on skype. I can’t pretend i wasn’t very very excited to speak to the person responsible for kick starting my phobia free life. We decided I should train as a Thrive consultant because of my understanding of the topic (20 years experience is quite a CV) and my passion to help others to realise it is possible. Currently I am still in training with only a little way to go. Once qualified not only will I have the experience but also the knowledge to help more if needed. I am not here to take your money, in fact It is completely possible with the book alone (and watching my youtube videos will help of course), In fact I recommend you try this. Get the book offline and get studying this is exactly how I did it, But should you need a bit more support then that is what I will be there for, some human interaction, motivation and to explain and encourage through the tricky bits. I am not perfect, I haven’t got my life totally under control nor do I really want it to be. But I am Thriving and I certainly don’t have a fear of being sick anymore.

Thank you all very much for reading.

Please follow me on youtube, facebook and instagram #comethrivewithemma for new blogs videos, pictures etc. Feel free to send me a private message I always love to hear from you all.

One more request please share this post if you liked it, help me share my story. I can’t do it alone.

take care, kisses

Emma

 

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